


To Run Alone

by Oh_Toasty



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Albion, Fear, Gen, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, avoiding problems, time lapse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 17:51:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14407326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Toasty/pseuds/Oh_Toasty
Summary: “After all, it's one thing to run away when someone's chasing you. It's entirely another to be running all alone.”-Jennifer SmithMerlin has always been one to run.





	To Run Alone

As a boy his father did not teach him to fight; he did not teach him to toil in the fields. As a boy he had no father. 

As a boy, his mother did not teach him his letters; she did not teach him the ways of village life. She taught him to survive. 

In the evenings, she took him to the forest and forced him to run. She reminded him that his whole life would be this, and he had better be ready. She taught him how dangerous life is, and how important it is to hide in plain sight. 

His mother did not teach him what other mothers taught their boys; his mother taught him the truth of life’s cruelty. 

“Mother,” he remembers calling one evening when the stalked through the woods. “Mother, I want to go home.”

“No Merlin,” She told him. Her face showed her to be weary but determined. “One day, you may not have a home to return to, and so now we must ready ourselves. Now, what should you do upon the sight of a red cloak?”

“Run.”

The answer is immediate, deeply ingrained by years of practice and stories. He has heard the whispers of how the knights came for his father and burned half the town down in their wake. He knows better than to trust a knight of Camelot. 

That’s why it is such a surprise that when the attack comes it is not from the Pendragons, but from their own kingdom. Cendred has grown greedy, has begun the search for power to fuel his own reign. He has decided to begin the search in the home of the last Dragonlord. 

When Merlin flees, it is into the arms of the men he has feared his whole life. 

The flowing red of the knight’s capes sends shivers down his spine, yet he trudged farther into the kingdom of death. Cendred will not think to look for him here, and if there is one thing his mother has taught him it is to survive against all odds. 

He arrives to an execution, he arrives to an execution and he wonders. Was this the right decision? But then he remembers. He remembers the way the earth trembled under the pounding of hooves as Cendred’s men approached. He remembers the looks in the eyes of his neighbors as they began to consider surrendering him. 

“Balinor’s boy,” they whispered. “I’ll bet there’s at least a spark of magic there”. 

It’s better, he reminds himself, it’s better to have survived. 

Merlin has always faced the worst odds, and so it is no surprise to him the man who he picks a fight with is the prince of the realm. He fights back in the only way he knows how; he dodges the blows. 

He has always run and hid. He has never fought a battle. 

This will change with time, but now the red cape still enacts his fight or flight response. It still prompts him to flee. 

It is not until Uther appoints him the position of manservant to the Prince that Merlin realizes how much harder it will be to flee Camelot. There is no room for error here, no time to run and hide. One mistake and he will die. 

Eventually, Merlin bonds with Gaius. It’s a new experience for him, to have another soul who knows his magic. To have a person who prompts him to learn control yes, but also to grow.

He learns that his power is far greater than expected. He learns that he can accomplish things he had never before believed, things he had once not dared to think or always tried to hide before. 

He learns to fear himself. 

Merlin settles, his fears lessen. The red of Camelot no longer stirs fear in his heart, rather something else entirely. Pride, contentment, he does not know for sure. 

Camelot becomes a home. 

But the threat is always there. Everyday of existence, Merlin creeps closer to death. In Camelot, existing is a threat to his life. 

So he stays quiet, he continues to hide. 

Even as the years pass, as Uther dies and Arthur’s reign begins, as Morgana is dealt with and Albion is slowly United, even as Arthur allows the druids free reign of Camelot, Merlin hides. 

Somethings are so deeply ingrained they’re a part of who we are. 

And so, on the day Arthur turns to Merlin and announces the return of magic to Camelot, on the day he asks the skinny warlock from Ealdor to be his Court Sorcerer, Merlin runs. 

At first, Arthur is hurt. He is confused by his friend’s disappearance, and then he is angry. Finally, he worries. Thus, it is under that emotion that he sets out to Ealdor to enquire after his manservant. 

When the prince of Camelot arrives in Ealdor, there are none more surprised than Hunith. When the village notes Merlin’s absence, there are none more frightened either. 

That is until she hears why. 

It is then that she regrets. She regrets having taught her boy so well. She regrets the need to have done so. She regrets that Merlin needed to hide. She regrets that he listened to her and ran. 

“Where would he be?” asks Arthur. 

“With his kin,” Hunith murmurs as she dreams of dragons. “They’re all he can trust.”

It months of calling, months of the King pleading in an empty meadow, to garner a response. But one day, one day the dragon comes and upon his back is Merlin. 

“You’re safe here,” Arthur promises. “You don’t have to hide anymore.”


End file.
